Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

A disturbance in the fiction

I found this meme a couple of months ago on a blog that has since disappeared. You can look at a few others (or not) and do your own (let me know!). Here's mine:

First, select ten fictional characters (from any medium) by whichever method you like best.

1. Jayne Cobb
2. Yosaffbridge
3. Chewey
4. Maximus Decimus Meridius
5. Captain Jack Sparrow
6. Mona Lisa Vito
7. River Tam
8. Sawyer
9. Worf
10. Data

Divide the list up by even and odd.

Team One: Yosaffbridge, Maximus, Miz Vito, Sawyer, Data
Team Two: Jayne, Chewey, Jack, River, Worf

Which group of five would make a better Five Man Band (like a Power Rangers team)?

Team One

Who would you slot in each position: Leader, Lancer (second-in-command), Big Guy, Smart Guy, The Chick?

Team One
Leader = Maximus
Lancer = Sawyer
Big Guy = Data
Smart Guy = Miz Vito
Chick = Yosaffbridge

Team Two (yow)
Leader = Chewey
Lancer = Worf
Big Guy = Jayne
Smart Guy = River
Chick = Jack

If you think the team would be improved by swapping one character between the even and odd groups, which ones would you switch?

Data and Jayne, switching teams, but keeping position. But I'm leaving them on their original teams.

Gender-swap 2, 8 and 10. Which character would have the most change in their story arc? Which the least? Would any of these characters have to have a complete personality change to be believable as the opposite sex?

Most change in story = Sawyer. Ana Lucia's death deprived the Island of Sawyer's female equal. (IMHO); a character with cocky independence layered over sensitivity. As a storyline, wouldn't a lesbian Sawyer competing with Jack for Kate's affections be great?

Least change = Data. I'm not sure any change in his programming would be necessary. And I'm not sure I'd leave it up to him to reprogram if he thought it was!

Most personality change = Yosaffbridge. A male with the sexual cunning of Yolanda, Saffron, or Bridget?? Not a chance. Men just can't think that way.

Compare the matchups of 1 and 8 and 5 and 9. (Ignore canon sexual preferences for the moment.) Which couple would be more compatible?

If Captain Picard were watching, Worf would lock Captain Sparrow into some strange game on the holodeck. Forever. In the absence of Picard, Worf might have Sparrow for lunch.

Jayne and Sawyer aren't going to be a happy couple when they aren't pillaging and plundering. There would be some heated arguments about Vera. If they had sex (would they?), I wouldn't want to be in the room (would they?).

Which couple would be more plausible to people from either principal's home culture? Jayne could easily step into Island life and Sawyer would be right at home on Serenity. At World's End, Worf wouldn't cause that much of a stir. But Capt. Sparrow on the Enterprise? No. On the Klingon home world? Lunch again.

Your team is 3, 4 and 9. The mission consists of a social challenge, a mental challenge and a physical challenge. Which team member do you assign to each challenge?

Social = Maximus has thrown a few good parties, I'm sure.

Mental = Worf can draw on his Academy training, and Klingons can always get right to the point.
Physical = Chewey. Don't piss him off.

7 becomes 1's boss for a week in some plausible fashion. How's their working relationship?

Strained. Jayne knows River can kill him with her brain. But Jayne has great respect for violence, which River owns.
Nothing in the 'Verse can stop her.

2 finds him/her/itself inserted into 6's continuity. As far as anyone other than 2 or 6 is concerned, they've always been there. What role would 2 be presumed to have had in 6's story, and could they fit in without going wonky?

Fit in? Logically, yes. Yosaffbridge would love New York City, but Alabama? No. (Who does, after all?) Nevertheless, she accompanies her sister, Miz Vito, and her sister's fiance, Vinny, to Alabama just for a lark. Vinny is not fond of Yo. She is not fond of Vinny. Upon discovering there are no larks (or new husbands) to be had, she retires to the gorram motel to await the return drive to NYC. Boring, but what's a girl to do?

3 and 5 get three wishes. The catch is that they have to agree on all three wishes before they get the benefits of any of them. What three wishes would they make?

At first, I thought that they couldn't even communicate, but I quickly realized that they are perfectly aligned in that regard. Their wishes were something else... Wookiees shun material goods, are intelligent and intensely loyal, and are gentle until they lose their short tempers. Capt. Sparrow is cunning and, uh, tidal. But they are both explorers and adventurers and their first thought is "go."

First wish: Transport. Chewbacca has no knowledge of the sea and Sparrow knows nada about space travel. A wet Wookiee has to smell bad, so they opt for space travel. Chewey calls in some favors and the Millenium Falcon is theirs for a spell. Many stories are exchanged and they become wary friends. Neither has revealed his underlying wish, of course. Chewey wants to get away and Jack wants rum.

Second wish: Yo Ho Yo Ho. Chewbacca, knowing Jack's acquisitory nature and that the rum is gone, convinces Sparrow that he should experience Mos Eisley. And after all, Mos Eisley exists for smugglers and pirates and the cantina, well, it's a pirate bar. Sparrow agrees to the wish. Deals are made, kegs of rum and a smashing hangover are acquired.

Third wish: Home. Sparrow has had enough of (very) dry land and wishes to return to the Black Pearl. Chewbacca is jubilant. On the return trip, they land briefly on an island and bury most of the rum. Jack gives Chewwy the Timekeeper as a gift for Yoda and a small jar of dirt. Chewwy gifts Sparrow with a bowcaster (knowing that he hasn't the strength to use it). As the Falcon hovers over the deck of the Pearl, Chewbacca deposits Sparrow and his loot.
Lightspeed.

1 and 2 are brainwashed by a one-time artifact that works even on people immune to mind control to attack and kill 4. They keep their normal personalities, skills, and competence levels, except any Code vs. Killing has been turned off. Can 4 survive?

Maximus is full of fresh grief over his wife and son and wouldn't be the usual easy target for Yosaffbridge (would he ever be?), especially if she were keeping company with Jayne. Jayne would want to kill Maximus straight on, but Yosaffbridge loves cooking up a wily plan and could easily bend Jayne to her will. She'll be the death of them. Maximus would know instantly that something was up, wait for the opportunity to disarm Jayne, and dispatch them both to Elysium. Strength and honor.

6, 7, 9 & 10 must help an orphanage full of small and depressed children have a merry Christmas. Who does what, knowing that at the very least the kids will be expecting a visit from Santa?

River, especially sensitive to the absence of family, and Mona Lisa, with her biological clock still ticking, go full-tilt. Trees and halls are decked. Presents are wrapped, stockings are stuffed. Food abounds. Shiny.

Upon learning the stories and activities surrounding Christmas, Worf declares it child abuse and refuses to participate. He is not a merry man.

Data knows everything about the Christmas legends. By default, he'll be Santa so he warily activates his emotion chip, dons the puffy suit and whiskers, and grants every wish. He and Miz Vito make a deal and return to the Enterprise with 17 adopted kids. And Worf.
20 to beam up, sir.

3 and 8 are challenged to circumnavigate the Earth in eighty days or less, using only forms of transportation invented before 1900. Can they do it, or will they be fatally distracted by sidequests or their own personality conflicts?

Fatally distracted by sidequests for sure. Sawyer won't leave the island and though Chewey likes the trees and all, he owes a life debt to Han.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Escape from editor's corner

Thesaurus

It could be the name of a prehistoric beast
that roamed the Paleozoic earth, rising up
on its hind legs to show off its large vocabulary,
or some lover in a myth who is metamorphosed into a book.

It means treasury, but it is just a place
where words congregate with their relatives,
a big park where hundreds of family reunions
are always being held,
house, home, abode, dwelling, lodgings, and digs,
all sharing the same picnic basket and thermos;
hairy, hirsute, woolly, furry, fleecy, and shaggy
all running a sack race or throwing horseshoes,
inert, static, motionless, fixed and immobile
standing and kneeling in rows for a group photograph.

Here father is next to sire and brother close
to sibling, separated only by fine shades of meaning.
And every group has its odd cousin, the one
who traveled the farthest to be here:
astereognosis, polydipsia, or some eleven
syllable, unpronounceable substitute for the word tool.
Even their own relatives have to squint at their name tags.

I can see my own copy up on a high shelf.
I rarely open it, because I know there is no
such thing as a synonym and because I get nervous
around people who always assemble with their own kind,
forming clubs and nailing signs to closed front doors
while others huddle alone in the dark streets.

I would rather see words out on their own, away
from their families and the warehouse of Roget,
wandering the world where they sometimes fall
in love with a completely different word.
Surely, you have seen pairs of them standing forever
next to each other on the same line inside a poem,
a small chapel where weddings like these,
between perfect strangers, can take place.

~Billy Collins

Thursday, March 5, 2009

The airwaves at 18

These were (purportedly) the top 25 songs from the year I turned 18, with commentary thereon. What were yours? If you participate, please leave a comment and a link!

I think this list really illustrates the social changes in progress at the time. There was a feeling that anything could happen, and soon.

1. Ain't No Mountain High Enough. Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell. I admit that this one went right by me. But how is it that I know all the lyrics?
2. Respect. Aretha Franklin. Anthem!
3. Brown Eyed Girl. Van Morrison. As a brown-eyed girl, this is certainly one of my favorite tunes.
4. All You Need Is Love. The Beatles. Still all we need.
5. Jimmy Mack. Martha and the Vandelas. This whiney song never appealed to me.
6. I Second That Emotion. Smokey Robinson and The Miracles. I remember how much I like this tune whenever I watch The Big Chill.
8. C'mon Marianne. The Four Seasons. "She was a passing fling and not a permanent thing."
9. I Heard It Through The Grapevine. Gladys Knight and The Pips. Seriously classic.
10. Soul Man. Sam and Dave. There was much chatter in SoCal about their "crossover" appeal and how this song popularized the phrase "soul music." A stretch of the freeway goes through the Watts area and after the riots you could see variations of Soul Brothers and Soul Sisters spray painted everywhere.
11. Light My Fire. The Doors. When this first got radio time, there were few stations that played songs longer than 3 minutes or so, but KUOW--referred to then as an underground station--eventually became the place where you could hear the "long version" of Light My Fire. A big deal at the time.
12. (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher and Higher. Jackie Wilson. President Obama brought this one back. My other memory of this song comes from a friend who never failed to comment that Jackie Wilson won the Golden Gloves at age 16.
13. Daydream Believer. The Monkees. The Monkees became a little cultish, which I never understood. They seemed clueless and cartoonish.
14. Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You. Frankie Valli. His voice sounded right when he was with the Four Seasons but when he sang this (Andy Williams) song solo, it sounded squeaky and girlish. The Muse version takes it up a few levels.
15. It Takes Two. Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston. I don't remember who Kim Weston is/was, but this tune was a bit too cute or something.
16. The Letter. Box Tops. Loved it. I still remember every word.
17. Sweet Soul Music. Arthur Conley. Soul music about sweet soul music.
18. Expressway To Your Heart. Soul Survivors. I know I would recognize it if I heard it, but ??
19. Strawberry Fields Forever. The Beatles. Until they started playing "psychedelic rock," the Beatles seemed a bit Monkees-like to me--too many screaming little girls and too gimmicky. I believe this was the first music of theirs that I bought. The flipside of the 45 was Penny Lane.
20. Purple Haze. Jimi Hendrix Experience. Jimi's performance at the Hollywood Bowl in September of 1968 was a high point in my new hippie life. It was very tempting to jump into the moat but the threat of cops and electrocution won out. Purple Haze was the last song of the set.
21. Baby, I Need Your Lovin. Johnny Rivers. zzzzzzzzz
22. I Can See For Miles. The Who. After this, I was a major Who fan.
23. Standing In The Shadows Of Love. Four Tops. The Four Tops were the first "major" group I ever saw in concert. Many concerts back then (1964--1968ish) were dance concerts, meaning there was no seating. You either danced or stood and listened. Impossible not to dance to the Four Tops.
24. Penny Lane. The Beatles. Didn't like it as much as Strawberry Fields, but the lyrics were great.
25. Ruby Tuesday. Rolling Stones. Early Rolling Stones tunes were much more palatable to me than most of their later stuff. And I've never been able to look at Mick Jagger for more than 5 seconds at a time.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Oh. Snow.

We had some. We said "pretty!" We got more. We lost power. We lost tree limbs. We lost patience. We took pictures.

It started out all fun and games!


The river was chocolately from the previous two days of rain. The snow gave it a lovely sugar coating.


Snow began to accumulate on the pool cover. Rick squeegeed but lost the battle.


We removed the pool cover with its pounds and pounds and pounds of snow (sweating, cursing).


The next two pics are lovely but you're not hearing the snapping of huge limbs all over the neighborhood and the sound of trees hitting the river. It was painful.


The clouds disappeared overnight and in the morning Rick destroyed the skating rink to keep the squirrels and deer from trying it out. (Imagine trying to herd a terrified, half-frozen deer out of the deep end. wah.)


Our neighbors say it has never snowed like this before. We all really hope it doesn't come around again anytime soon!